Editor’s note: Mr. Roadshow wanted to share some of his favorite columns and stories from more than 30 years of informing, entertaining and getting things changed for Bay Area (and beyond) drivers. He’ll be back on the road with new material soon. In the meantime, please keep sending Mr. Roadshow your comments or questions to email@example.com.
This story originally was published on February 1, 2005
Welcome to Day Two of Crazy Driving Stunts. Today we feature drivers who use their cars as dressing rooms. Read ’em and weep. And please keep both hands — or at least one — on the wheel.
Q: This happened years ago to my sister on I-280. She didn’t have a good pair of nylons and was late for work, so she stopped at a 7-Eleven and bought some pantyhose. There is a spot on I-280 where you drive uphill and then can coast down the other side, and while coasting downhill she proceeded to pull up her dress and put on her panty hose. A cop noticed her erratic driving, so he pulled her over. Because her pantyhose was not fully on, she pulled her coat over her steering wheel. The CHP asked her for her license and registration. He asked if she was hiding something under the coat. She said no. He asked her to remove the coat from the steering wheel and she said no again. He said “if you don’t remove the coat so I can see what’s underneath, I will arrest you.” She removed the coat, and the CHP saw that her dress was pulled up to her waist and the nylons were only halfway up. He got embarrassed and said, “Have a nice day, ma’am” and drove away.
C.C.M., San Jose
A: Enough said.
Q: In the ’70s I traveled on Montague and San Tomas expressways and saw a driver using an elbow and his knees to steer while he changed clothes, shaved and brushed his teeth. I often wonder if he is still alive after his crazy driving.
Sharon Mattheus, Hollister
A: If this fella is not on the road anymore, maybe his son is.
Q: There was a driver who I nicknamed “The Dresser.” The first morning I saw him, he was trimming his mustache (with scissors) using his mirror as he drove. Then he switched to an electric razor and shaved his face and chin. He was bare-chested until the next light, where he picked up a T-shirt and dress shirt from the passenger seat and put them on. By then I was craning my neck to see if he was wearing any trousers but couldn’t tell (alas). He was knotting his tie in moving traffic. A few days later I saw him on the drive home. This time he reached over his head, and yanked his shirt off, completely covering his face for several seconds. Then he took a sweater and pulled it over his head, covering his face again. All this in traffic. After that, if I saw him, I took another route.
Judy Anderson, Mountain View
A: Smart lady.
Q: On I-880 in stop-and-go traffic on an extremely hot day, I saw a young man removing his shirt and tossing it into the back seat. Shortly thereafter came his trousers. I guess his air conditioning was out.
A: Or he had leather seats.
Q: I was on I-580 when I did a double take. The driver of a small car was curling her eyelashes, using a mechanical curler that clamps onto the lashes and puts a crimp in them, causing her to drive with one hand and one eye. Crazy!
Carl Boro, Milpitas
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A: And . . .
Q: My favorite? A woman French-braiding her hair down I-280 in heavy traffic. You probably have to be female to appreciate this, but she was doing a single French-braid with her long hair, which requires two hands. She would hold her work in progress with one hand and put a hand on the wheel for a second or two. I was both appalled and captivated, wondering if she would succeed. She did!
A: No braids for me!
Q: I saw a man on Highway 17 brushing his teeth when he opened his door, stuck his head out and spat.
Jan Tomlinson, Scotts Valley
A: But did he floss?